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 Everlyn, the lost love child

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Everlyn



Posts : 3
Join date : 2012-11-02

PostSubject: Everlyn, the lost love child   Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:30 pm

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Monster Form:


Given Name: Everlyn Aeerila

True Name: Everlyn

Age: 6 years old

Gender: Female

Eye Color: Blood Red

Hair: Blonde

Skin Color: Somewhat tanned, yet white.. [Picture shows!]

Height: 4 feet 2 inches

Parentage:

Mother: Areena Areelia [Died]



Father: Kaius Areelia [Died]



Species: Vampire

Physical Description: Everlyn is not fat nor is she skinny. For a child she has the wits of of an adult. Her hair comes down to just about her shoulders, normally tied off with a bow just like pig tails.

Personality: Everyln has a small temper at times, and can become very defiant. Yet she has that innocent sweet like nature.

Realm of Origin: Caligo

Talents:
* Everlyn is small so she could fit even in the most tiniest crevices
* Her scent is very distinct so perhaps she could derange someone


Weapon*: N/A

Flaws**:
1.) Being a vampire she is prone to fire, so basically she could die..
2.) Everlyns' blonde hair makes her visible at night
3.) Being small doesn't mean anything. Size might win battles but it is how people use it, Everlyn is always playing around like any kid would

Powers: Her blood gives off a strange scent that attracts almost anyone, if anyone were to take just a hint or taste of it would become delusional. The guy whom bitten her had given her this very power. The guy was genetically altered by a group of mages or something of that sort.

Fear: Everlyn has a fear of being left alone, even though she was alone somewhat of her life.

Backstory***: Everlyn was born as a human girl, when she reached the age of 5 she was riding a bike through a park one day and well, it was dead night when things go bump and pow, she was bitten and changed. She doesn't really know her past anymore and she searches for her mother to this day.

The bite was of a genetically altered being, it gives Everlyn a distinct smell when she is near. Her blood however is somewhat divine, basically cherished. Everyone would want just a small taste to just be in heaven. In doing so would give the very person illusions of what would be a future or past. Or it could make some people go insane. This would be the life of a vampire.


How does your character feel about being a monster? Regrets or is the life satisfying?***: She cares not that she is one, in fact she enjoys it. She loves how she would never age, how she would always be six years old with a mind of an adult. Everlyn loves playing with the minds of those whom claim her as a creep. If she could chose a life, it would always be the life of a monster. Though when she became one she never liked how she could smell almost anything, or hear almost anything. Though later in her time, she figured it was best. It had helped her in so many situations. In ways however, Everlyn dislikes the way she is. She gets called a monster at times when she shows up in town. If she could do anything to hide the fact she looks different, she would.

Roleplay Example***: The night was rather dull, the six year old child was just casually walking in the park alone like she always has at night, even though she feared of being alone. Since her home was just a minute or two away, her parents never really cared if she went out just not outside the park grounds. Arriving at the center of the park, a young couple were kissing on a bench towards her left. Everlyn had glanced about, before releasing a sigh. She loved the silence of the park, but tonight seemed a tad more strange. It felt as if someone, or something was watching her. Settling on the bench to the right of the couple, she pulled up her knees to her chest.

An hour or so passes by....

It was getting colder since she arrived. The couple that were once kissing have been gone for about 10 minutes or so. The feeling of someone or something watching her seemed to overwhelm her now. Sliding her feet off the bench onto the ground, Everlyn had gotten up out of the bench. As soon as she was just about to take her walk back to her home, a man dressed in what seemed to be black attire, attached with a cape swooped down from a low branch. Everlyn wanted to scream for help, but something had prevented her to do so. It was like she was frozen or something, fear crept over her. Her mother once told her of rapists in the park, perhaps he was one. The guy whom reached for her wrist done so he inched his lips towards her neck. Everlyn could do nothing but let him. His lips parted before his teeth sank into her skin. She felt as if she was on fire, her palms began to shake, sweat running down her face. The guy whom latched to her never let go, until she felt like she was about to pass out. With as swift as he fed on her, she was released. The guy had released her before trudging off like nothing happened. Everlyn was dumb founded, she had no clue as to what to do and now she was on the verge of dying. The once heat that swept over her grew into cold, she laid on the ground the wound on her neck however slowly sealed up.

Another hour has passed....

Everlyn had slowly opened her eyes, the once wonderful coloration of blue slipped into a deep red. Everlyn had gotten up off the ground from where she fell. She dusted off her dress before glancing around. Something in her mind said she dozed off, but the guy whom bitten her had erased her memmory so to speak. The only thoughts she had were of her parents and her casual walk to the park. In fact she looked at the sky and the moon that risen was slowly taking form just above her, if she didn't get home her parents would be mad. Though there was one more problem, she had no way of remembering where home was. So off Everlyn went, into the darkness of the night.


Last edited by Everlyn on Mon Nov 05, 2012 11:17 am; edited 3 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Everlyn, the lost love child   Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:44 pm

Everlyn wrote:
Height: 4 feet 2 inches
That's perfectly fine, but the Peanut Gallery has noticed that that's rather tall for a six year old.

Everlyn wrote:
Her hair come
I know that this was a typo or an incomplete thought, but care to finish it?

Everlyn wrote:
Realm of Origin: I have no clue yet...
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] might be a good one. It's kind of where we've just assigned evil to rule and live.

Please give her at least one fear.

How she feels about being a monster needs to be at least ten sentences.

Please adjust your Backstory and RP example to fit the time period. Why doesn't she remember much of her past? Could you further describe the vampire attack? The idea of her having divine blood is interesting and while it would be cool to explore that idea, the vampire that bit her would have to be really exceptional to make that possible.

_________
Lyra Clear-Waters - 18 - Legacy of Fire - Theme Song: Leave Out All The Rest ~ Linkin Park
Anatkah - 50, looks fifteen - Dryad
Merthissa - 53, looks older - Human Wizard - Adriele the Screech Owl - Theme Song: "Not Strong Enough" ~ Apocalyptica
Gaelgathor "Gael" - 23 - Werewolf of Human Descent - Theme Song: Iridescent ~ Linkin Park
Alrog - 78 - Half Dwarf - Theme Song: All I Want ~ A Day To Remember


Last edited by WolfGirl on Sun Nov 04, 2012 11:11 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Added a Link)
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PostSubject: Re: Everlyn, the lost love child   Sun Nov 04, 2012 11:10 am

You still need five more sentences for how she feels about being a monster and a realm for her to be from. There are no bikes in this time period, so please adjust your RP example according to the time period. Please do not use text-talk in your posts {Numerals are considered to be text-talking as they are a form of shorthand.}

You still need at least one fear, and a realm of origin.

When you edit, please reply to the topic and say so, otherwise I don't know when you're done/when to comment. Thanks!

_________
Lyra Clear-Waters - 18 - Legacy of Fire - Theme Song: Leave Out All The Rest ~ Linkin Park
Anatkah - 50, looks fifteen - Dryad
Merthissa - 53, looks older - Human Wizard - Adriele the Screech Owl - Theme Song: "Not Strong Enough" ~ Apocalyptica
Gaelgathor "Gael" - 23 - Werewolf of Human Descent - Theme Song: Iridescent ~ Linkin Park
Alrog - 78 - Half Dwarf - Theme Song: All I Want ~ A Day To Remember
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Everlyn



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PostSubject: Re: Everlyn, the lost love child   Mon Nov 05, 2012 11:17 am

OK, I have edited.. Again...
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PostSubject: Re: Everlyn, the lost love child   Mon Nov 05, 2012 1:31 pm

Welcome to DFM Everlyn, I am Wolf, the other admin on the site.

You stated "when she reached the age of 5 she was riding a bike through a park one day", however, I do not believe that bikes existed int eh medieval times, as the site is set in. Perhaps riding a mare would work as a replacement?

Under how she feels about being a monster:

"She cares not that she is one, in fact she enjoys it." and " In ways however, Everlyn dislikes the way she is. She gets called a monster at times when she shows up in town. If she could do anything to hide the fact she looks different, she would." appear to be contradictory statements. Please revise these.

Under powers:

"Her blood gives off a strange scent that attracts almost anyone, if anyone were to take just a hint or taste of it would become delusional. The guy whom bitten her had given her this very power. The guy was genetically altered by a group of mages or something of that sort."


Does she have to be cut for others to smell her blood, or is her own bodily scent what attracts others? Does it attract them (how?) or does it drive them insane (delude/confuse them?). This seems like a passive "power" and i think, just a suggestion, that you'd do better to add to and further develop your character's power. Perhaps you can describe her vampiric strength/speed/agility?


Under flaws:

"3.) Being small doesn't mean anything. Size might win battles but it is how people use it, Everlyn is always playing around like any kid would"

How is that a flaw? You stated later she has the mind of an adult but the body of a child, so why would she behave like a child? I do not know if I am just not understand it, but could you please explain that flaw a little more?


Also, you didn't explain why she cannot remember her past.


@ Wolfgirl

What were you saying about the exception vampire thing? Were you saying that the divine blood/power thing was not really practical/usable? Thanks for clarifying. You know i can be a tad slow sometimes Wink





_________
Erin Wolf - 27 - Legacy of Fire - Theme Song: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Justinian Ravenclaw - 19 - Human

Kazaryl the Silver Serpent - 120 - Dragon

Loren Strykar - 23 - Elf

Elhren Grisshem - 14 - Half Elf

The Shadow King - thousands of years old? - Legacy of Fire

Kypler Flammarus- 46 - Elf/Sorcerer


- Wolf
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Everlyn



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PostSubject: Re: Everlyn, the lost love child   Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:14 pm

Eh, I am getting rather tired of editing over and over again.. So, what I am going to do is just up and delete this. Thanks!
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PostSubject: Re: Everlyn, the lost love child   Mon Nov 05, 2012 5:15 pm

I wouldn't delete it...

Though, if you are thinking of doing so, just run it by Wolfgirl. She's more like my supervisor...if she's satisfied with your form, then you're good to go. It's her site, so yeah.

_________
Erin Wolf - 27 - Legacy of Fire - Theme Song: [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Justinian Ravenclaw - 19 - Human

Kazaryl the Silver Serpent - 120 - Dragon

Loren Strykar - 23 - Elf

Elhren Grisshem - 14 - Half Elf

The Shadow King - thousands of years old? - Legacy of Fire

Kypler Flammarus- 46 - Elf/Sorcerer


- Wolf
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Join date : 2012-07-01
Age : 20
Location : Somewhere... far away... taming dragons...

PostSubject: Re: Everlyn, the lost love child   Mon Nov 05, 2012 7:24 pm

It's your choice if you want us to delete the topic. I think that it'd be easier in the long run just to copy and paste in Wolf's Grammar Nazi'd stuff and then adjust your information to fit the time period. You've done a great job, it just needs tweaking.

And Wolf, you're an Admin here. Deal with it. You have full Admin powers and you don't have to refer to me all the time 'cause it's your site too. Just to clear that up... Very Happy

_________
Lyra Clear-Waters - 18 - Legacy of Fire - Theme Song: Leave Out All The Rest ~ Linkin Park
Anatkah - 50, looks fifteen - Dryad
Merthissa - 53, looks older - Human Wizard - Adriele the Screech Owl - Theme Song: "Not Strong Enough" ~ Apocalyptica
Gaelgathor "Gael" - 23 - Werewolf of Human Descent - Theme Song: Iridescent ~ Linkin Park
Alrog - 78 - Half Dwarf - Theme Song: All I Want ~ A Day To Remember
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